Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Please...

forgive my last post.  I get to feeling sorry for myself, when I know better.  I know that I am so very blessed.  Besides having my Lord Jesus, I am surrounded by family and friends who love me.  Sometimes it gets to be a bit too much, and it's then that I need to start counting my blessings.
X Rose O

Sunday, September 17, 2017

I suppose...

... that this is what happens to people.  They get older.  Their children have families of their own.  The parents are left to watch admirably from a distance, while growing closer to each other as they age together.  What about when there is no partner?
You watch your children leave after a visit and feel so alone you just cry.  There's no one there to talk to about the day.  There's no one to share a laugh with, or get through life with; no one to comfort in times of trouble.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

another update

I am writing this because my counselor suggests that I do so.
My feelings about all of it are mixed, both good and bad.  I am utterly grateful to have the ties cut. 
I won't point out all the specifics, or wrong doings that he's done throughout our marriage, except to say that he is deeply disturbed with addiction and mental illness, and he needs help.  I hope he gets it.
I do not share it to demean my ex husband.  I have made mistakes in our marriage, and in life.  I humbly live in the light of the Lord Jesus.
My plan is to continue on my path, to grow in the Lord, and to share the truth about him.  I will continue to write, to love my family and enjoy my blessings.
This is all I will ever say on this subject again.

Thank you for your good wishes.



Saturday, July 1, 2017

Update

Well after my last post you, my reader, will be surprised to learn that my husband and I have been going to counseling and marriage classes.  So far, things have been quite successful.  He still has not moved his things back, though he is staying here.
I cannot speak for him, but a change has occurred in me.  I've been praying; praying that I would love him better, praying that I would be a better wife and emulate Jesus to him.  I feel more at peace.  He has reacted to my change of attitude with a change of his own.  We are more gentle in our approach with each other.  We respect each other.
We still have many issues to work through and it cannot be denied.  But we are still holding on, somehow.

Monday, May 22, 2017

time....

Time marches on.  Time has passed.  Time after time.  Time.
After a while, the word doesn't mean anything.

But it does to me.

He has gone.  Things are very good.  I feel that I shouldn't be enjoying life quite so much right now, but it simply is so much better.

I no longer feel unwanted, ugly, lonely and sad.  I no longer have to tiptoe around his feelings; make sure everything is just the way he wants it.

I'm back to being my own person again.

I have regrets.  I regret the day that he ever came into where I worked (with his wife).  I regret that I dated a married man (though he said he was divorcing).  I regret that I didn't listen to my heart, and chose the right things.  I regret the day that I met him, 32 years ago.  But I won't spend another moment in regret over him.

One thing I don't regret was knowing his children.  I love them.  They are confused and sad and probably angry right now.  That's okay.  They are wonderful.  I don't regret a single moment with any of them.  He used to berate their mother and grandmother.  He used to put them down and say horrible things.  I'm here to say, those ladies must have done something well.  Those kids are amazing and I'll love them forever.

So, so long Mister.  I have nothing left for you.  You've cost me too much.  But I have learned.  Wisdom is pricey; worth it.